Love Truly Forever

Another Update from 2010-2011 Present

For some reason I always come back to you tumblr, throughout crazy periods in my life.

Well- I am twenty mother-fucking years of age, married with a calico cat and a pitbull mix, I live in a one bedroom apartment on the first floor, we are going on our second year here.

Fuck KFC- You know what they say the faster you climb, the harder you fall. All the way from KFC store manager back down to Olive garden team member. The job- Alright. Has its ups and downs. Its hard work that’s for sure, but they take care of me. 40 hours in 4 days, 3 days off each week. (5 days in a row right before my birthday). Paid every week Friday. Hard to get used to the downgrade but God provides.

Jovan Andres- My Husband. It came fast from hard left and hit me smack in the face. Mel, will you marry me? Of course I said yes! Who could resist the temptation that this man thrusts upon you? No one. He’s sensual, sensible, and truly cares for me. Wants just about everything I want, minus the kids, we’re working on that ;) But who would’ve thought Jovan Gonzalez would really pop the question after so many restless nights fighting about never getting married. Wow. We’ve come a long way, lived the luxurious life and gone riches to rags but still together baby.

Apartment 1303 A- Home. Temporary, yes. But still, Home. Some crazy shit has gone down. From Fights and crazy nights to sexing till the morning light! Its where I can rest my head, kick of my feet, say fuck it to cleaning on days that I’m working and have nothing better to do on days that I’m not. From cable to blank tv screens, fighting with brighthouse networks, friends, family, NEIGHBORS haha.

Neighbors- Awesome people. Our go-to couple as we like to call it. Often times when they fight it makes us seem that much more normal. We cook together, clean together, watch movies together, club together, and cry together. Crazy how close we have gotten in less than a year. WOW.

And my battery is getting low so I will post more later but here’s to the update, I am Melody Rene Gonzalez, 20-year-old girl just making a living in this world.

And I’m out.

i love katie!-

Your song postings are making my day =]

I miss you, all-state, mr williamsons, watching you cut your split ends constantly!

Good luck with graduation!!

i have to say-

life. never what i expected. by now i could be going to rollins full-time getting myself into a ton of debt, but eventually marrying this guy with a rich inheritance, and living happily ever after right?

WRONG. Now I’m here living in poverty, working at kfc, only able to pay my bills by the skin of my teeth. Frothing up inside with desire to change the world musically, addicted to cigarettes (which that wont help my voice), living with my boyfriend and not going to school.

Some life right. I can’t say that I’m entirely upset at this fact because there is always time. Maybe I’ll hit the lotto, not have to work for four years so I can get my education, get popped the question and live in my own house and not have to move from apartment to apartment.

Haha, this life is not at all what I expected but with him love and support, I know things are going to get better. I must say we’ve struggled and we’ve had plenty. But, this won’t last for long. I want more to this life than working paycheck to paycheck, paying my bills like an old person, (im only 18!) and the idea of a fun night is some lowlife party. Don’t get me wrong, I love parties but there is so much more to be done. I want to travel, I aspire to someday change the world. Maybe through a composition.

Idk, but I’m happy with what I got, and that’s all that matters =]

and so I’ve met my match-

Realization number one: You have to want somebody, not need them. Nobody likes a needy person because what good does that do the other person, how does that help THEM grow at all? How does it help the relationship? Example: Dustin, needed someone to be there when his parents got divorced and when he was about to drop out of school. Furthermore, it didn’t work out because as I was growing and developing who I was, I was trying to meet HIS standards because, I, in turn, felt like I needed him to validate myself. (WRONG)

Realization number two: I have realized that my being stubborn and firm in my (fantasy) beliefs, though foggy, has finally met its match. He does not take any bullshit and, contrary to what I’ve always believed, yes, it’s tough not being the only one with a side, (as it was with all of my past relationships), this one actually cares, and its as real as real can get. Though I may sometimes worry (which I really shouldn’t) that this one might slip away, I am learning more and more everyday, about life, about myself, about being an adult and standing up for what’s right. But I do not want to fall into that hole that I have with all of my other relationships, I don’t want to be the needy one. I want to continue being the friend like I feel like when I have late night converations with him. He is not only my boyfriend, and shame on me for ever thinking that I could not put my trust in another person again, but he IS my best friend. He is my everything. And suppose it is wrong of me to say that because if he is indeed my everything, then without him I have nothing, right? WRONG, because at the end of the day I have myself, Melody Rene Fucking Morrison.

Realization number three: We’ve gone over time and time again that real life is not at all what I expected it to be. In my fantasy I’d be married with two kids working at a college as a music professor, directing choirs, leading the band, a non-smoking, working, middle-class but does well for herself, wife. Real life: I am a single (which is not entirely bad), high school graduate with a hourly management position, living in a two bedroom apartment with two roomates, my boyfriend, and a baby. Temporary, I think so. Fantasies are simply that. Fairy tales do not always come true and even so, if you can’t be happy with what you’ve got (including youself) then what are you living for anyways?

Realization number four: I am an embarrassment when I am upset. There are always going to  be things that come up, and a confrontation is bound to happen, but preventing the little things that have to do with me, inside of me, how I feel, is entirely up to me if I’m going to let it bother me. I don’t need anyone else’s approval before I speak. Before I lay my foot down I just have to stop and think, and not SAY anything to ANYONE but to the person that I am having the problem with (possibly myself). I don’t need the comfort, though it is nice, I’m not fucking two anymore where when I cry I don’t need someone to hold me.

Realization number five: Speak up. If something is not happening the first time, then say it again. If it doesn’t happen a second. Take action. Friends are not beyond the system. True friends will understand. And though I may have a problem CREATING true friends, its truly a trust issue. Stop worrying that you are going to be stabbed in the back. There are some pretty genuine people out there!

And finally, what I KNOW is. I love myself, my position, my life. I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for things not to be just as they are. I know its going to take some time, and I needn’t not think of this as a setback because truly it is a step towards the future. Its hard to spend time alone and think but regardless before anyone else gets my time, I need my ME time. Its the only way to keep what I have going for me strong. Above all, I don’t NEED what I have. I most definitely want it because, hell, when it comes down to it I have to say I have probably one of the most healthiest friendship, relationship, whatever you want to label it, out there. Sexually, mentally, physically. But truthfully, there is some soul searching to be done, and I know its way past due, but better late than never.

So, I’m signing off, here’s to an interesting, wonderful, but horrible day.

Goodnight.

Friday the 13th-

2 cars got wrecked, everything and anything that could possibly fall, did, someone died, and my car is dead.

greatttttttttttttt weekend im about to have with no car, 10 cigarettes, a few rillos with no bud, and NOOOOOO place to smoke unless i tell my parents that i do.

& unless he wants to drive over here im probably not seeing him this weekend. which sucks