I care too much-
Point blank. I shouldn’t be calling him to see how he’s doing. Who the fuck cares? I’m not with him anymore so I need to think about myself. Its like this. My heart is hardened, like hard leather, which can still be penetrated but only with the right arrow. It has soft spots. And with me, I let the soft spots determine how I fight. I need not care so much. But not caring is against everything that I am, and THAT hurts.
& as far as new like goes- Each day is either a step closer or farther apart. I can’t tell because the steps are so small. But with time you can notice a change. I don’t want this to be a rebound so I’m down with just chilling and getting to know him from the inside out. & what I want more than anything is for my past not to bite me in the ass because, not validating what happened but, I had my reasons. I have my reasons now.
I gave fair warning and I should’ve just broke it off at that point but neither of us had finished the job yet. Each relationship in my mind is a give and take. You give what you can and take what you can and learn from each person. Someone else always has a different spin on life and you adopt the principles you like and trash the ones you dont. True love is when you finally found that person that has completed his puzzle which at the same time completes yours. And you are that last missing piece.
It sounds so simple but I know its true because my puzzle was shattered with Alex and moving on from that is hard. I had to start from square one but independence has been the key in my forming opinions. And this time, instead of playing bridge in the middle of an earthquake, I’ve learned to superglue that shit together when I found a piece that fits. Its the creation of my character and its very important to determining who I am to become in life, in relationships. And I learned alot.
Don’t get it twisted, Dustin did make me realize things. Sometimes more good than bad but I had really learned how I was supposed to be loved. And hence, am still suffering the consequences because I never saw it before but, I could never love again until I love myself.
